again
i being so useless now
saturday
i thought before for absent from school for monday
to excape the essembly
becasue it is the day giving the medals to the winners
but than
that day
means today
is a bio day with experiment
and band too
n during sunday
i thought im okay
i'd give up everything and let go
but it wasn't
today my tears just flow out automatically
they are just announcing the name list of the winners!
n the tears had already flowing inside my eyes
what a bull shit am i?!!!
b4 the ceremony of giving medals start
i trying to smile during others presentation
make myself calm down
n not to thk abt it
i want myself to control n control
but
just during junior group
my nose started to feel sour
tears start flowing
until seniors
i close my eyes
and try not to hear anything
i close my eyes
although the tears still dropping
because i knw myself cant control anymore
as long nobody see
i dont know ali saw or not
others saw or not
i just let my head down
take off my specs
closing my eyes
hope this reaction can stop the tears flowing out
but obviously it can't work
duhh
why am i being so useless now?!
ya rite
like how others said
its just a competition
have winners n losers
n im the losers
n is the time learn
to give up something that is not belongs to me
n something that is totally impossible happen in my life
nt giving up for love or others thing
its just a simple thing
i just dun WHY am i being so inflexible n desprate for it
i should be happy for my darlings that win it
but i just no energy to clap for them
even showing the fake smile
actually i want to talk abt it n congraz them
but
i just cant do that
i hate this kind of attitue
being jealousy n envy??!!!
i always can't do that
ever
but why am i just being such a stupid useless human being
WHY CANT YOU JUST FACE THE TRUTH?!
see see
see see see!!!!
just writing a post
n nose feeling sour now?!
i just hate myself being so weak
hate it
ever n ever
i hate it!!
please
i dunwan to hate myself
seriously
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